This story starts with me playing a video game and ends with me admitting that I have a problem.
Picture my rec room.
I've been spending a lot of time down here since we finished it. Most recently, I've been spending my time down here playing Bioshock 2. It's a very good game and I highly recommend it.
I'm no spring chicken any more though. After a few hours of gaming, I need a break. I need to do something different.
Robyn's at work, and if she was home she'd be playing Bioshock 2, so that kind of defeats the purpose. I'm not hungry, I'm not tired, I'm just kind of feeling that I want to do something different.
And that's when I found it. The thing that haunts me, the thing that represents everything that I thought I knew about myself that turned out to be a lie. And I thought, I'm home alone - now's the time to do it. It's safe. Nobody will bear witness, and I could always blame the cats later.
I found the Rock Band mic.
Have you ever played Rock Band with me?
If so, you'll know that I typically go for either one of the guitars or the drums. I do not take the mic, except in those rare occasions when it is late and I am feeling no pain.
I thought I knew how to sing. It's like talking, only louder and you make your voice high or low. You'd think that after a lifetime of singing at church that I'd have at least some idea of how to make the sounds coming out of my mouth sound halfway decent. But you'd be wrong. Oh so very, very wrong.
Being home alone, this would be a great time to practice. Maybe, maybe, if I spend a couple of hours during my days off I could be good. Okay, I could be better. I couldn't very well get worse, could I?
After "singing" my throat raw - my old voice and speech professor would be haunted by the sounds that I was making - for about 45 minutes, I finally progressed through 5 songs on easy.
These are not hard songs. They are mostly pop. They are roughly 3 minutes long each. I feel like I've been talking in a loud bar for a couple of hours.
I eventually discovered that Practice is easier than Easy in that you can't fail out.
But since none of you were here, and the neighbours didn't come to check on me, and the police didn't come to question why I was torturing small animals with bagpipes, I will simply say that all of the above was a lie and I sing like an angel.
Just not within hearing range of other people.