Sunday, February 7, 2021
Sunday, December 6, 2020
Tuesday, December 1, 2020
Sunday, November 29, 2020
Here's one I've been seeing around FB. Rather than type it out every time I see it, I'm just going to do it once and link to it when I need to! Feel free to link to it if you'd like.
What you think you did: proved the safety measures put in place make no sense and triggered someone to start thinking for themselves.
What you actually did: proved to the employee who has no choice but to follow the rules that have been put in place because her paycheck depends on it that you're going to be one of those tables. Do you really think that she doesn't know that the air circulation in the closed environment is likely going to cause an outbreak? Of course she does. She's in that environment every day. And guess which person she is now concerned is going to cause that outbreak? Yep, the person who is vocally questioning the rules.
Her reaction isn't confusion. It's "If it wasn't for my kid I have to support, I'd give this person hell and quit right now."
Also, if you've ever considered that being rude to the people who literally handle your food is a good idea, you should watch the movie Waiting.
Back to the post:
What you think you did: proved to the Cashier that they are being foolish believing that any of these things are going to protect anyone.
What you actually did: proved to the Cashier that you are clueless and self-centered.
Here's a fun experiment! You'll need two things: your laptop and a big bottle of spray disinfectant.
- Spray your laptop with the disinfectant. Really get it in there, concentrate on the keyboard but don't forget the screen. Even if you don't believe that covid is real, your actual job depends on you spraying the living crap out of that laptop.
- Wipe the keyboard and screen. Don't worry if this accidentally triggers an error message or reboots your laptop, just keep going.
- Do this every 5 minutes for 18 hours.
- After 18 hours, does your laptop still work? It does? Okay, now repeat these steps for the next 6 months straight, do not stop.
- Imagine if there was only some way to prevent all that spraying and wiping from interfering with the sensitive electronics, like some sort of protective plastic cover.
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Thursday, February 8, 2018
"You're not going to believe this, but my dang ferrets chewed through my iPhone cable!"
"Oh, that sucks. How's it look?"
"They literally chewed the cover off the cable."
"If they just chewed the cover off, you might still be able to use it."
"You think? Hold on, I'll send you a pic."
"Let me know when you get it."
"Got it. Wow, they really what the hell is that Denise?!"
"It's bad isn't it? Damn it. I'm going to have to drive all the way back to the mall to get one."
"Denise. Forget the cable, what is that on your feet!"
"I swear to god, what is wrong with you? How many times do I have to tell you: Sandals are not slippers!"
Thursday, February 1, 2018
"Guys, guys," Shelly said. "Come on, I want to take a picture!"
"Come on, Shelly, do we have to?" Blake asked. He hated getting his picture taken because his smile always made him look a little awkward.
"Yes, we have to! Come on, when are we going to see each other again?"
"In class next semester?" Tony joked. He often joked a little more than the others, and secretly hoped that they thought of him as the clown of the group instead of, well, something else.
"Ha ha, Tony. Coooooome oooooon, stop messing around! Kyle! Come over here! We're taking a picture!"
"Hey Kyle, nice tie. Where'd you get it, your dad's closet?"
"No, Tony, this is mine."
"Greg! Nikolai!" Shelly waved them over. "You guys gotta come and stand here for the picture!"
"I am happy to picture be in."
"Nikolai, your accent is soooo awesome!"
"Nice beard Greg, where'd you get it-"
"That's like the third time you've said that to me today."
"HOLY SNAP!" All the guys winced as Shelly screamed. "Is that Evan! Evan! You look AWESOME!" Everyone had to agree: Evan was looking pretty awesome today. Without being weird about it, they knew that he was the best looking of them all.
"Okay, you stand over here! We're taking a picture. Jenny! Can you take our picture?" Shelly thrust her phone in Jenny's hands.
"Sure, I guess." Jenny was cute, but shy. Blake had had a crush on her since they'd met at the start of the semester. "Great," he thought, "I don't want to smile too much, or she'll think I'm a dork. But I don't want to not smile in case she doesn't think I'm fun. I'll just roll up my sleeves, then she'll think I'm more relaxed than I am."
Shelly put her arm around Tony, who reacted by putting his arm around her. Unfortunately, at that moment, Kyle also put his arm around Shelly. Their hands met for the briefest of moments behind her back before they both pulled back.
Kyle thought "Great, what am I supposed to do with my hands now?"
Tony thought "Great, does Kyle know I like him?"
"Okay everyone, smile. Greg, I can't see you. Tony, Shelly, squeeze together. Greg, can you lean forward? Nikolai, I can't see you, can you lean - perfect. Greg, you're in a shadow so move over. Blake, can you, um, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm righteous," he replied, dying a little more inside.
"Evan, you look soooo good. Okay, everyone, on the count of - Greg, come on, I can't see you, you're all dark back there. Wait, is that supposed to be a beard?"
"Jenny, just take the picture!"
"Fine! On the count of three! Greg, I still can't see you - okay real mature. One...Two...Three!" CLICK "Frankenstein! You totally just walked into the picture!" She looked at the picture on the screen. "And you walked in front of Evan!"
"Aw, Frankenstein!" Everyone moaned.
"Frankenstein blending in! Frankenstein just regular student like everyone else!"
"Oh Frankenstein," Shelly shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You're, like, some kind of zombie or something."