Friday, August 31, 2012

Locked out

Nothing puts your life into perspective like getting locked out of your home.
Oh, I'm sure some would argue that there are bigger things to worry about. Like our friends who are interested the middle of giving birth to their first child. They probably have a slightly different perspective on my current situation. Something akin to "ha ha" , "who cares", "why are you texting us this now", and "we don't care we are having a baby right now and are very selfish and uncaring about our friends".
In other words, my friends are jerks.
But they do put up with me on a regular and personal basis, so I have to cut them some slack.
To recap, I'm still locked out of the house.
My neighbor is walking his dog. I would say hi, but that would take me away from you my precious precious readers. There are only about five of you now, and I need to make sure that you know everything I'm going through.
Thank god I decided to use the bathroom before going out. The nachos we had for supper are starting to talk to me though. At least there's a pleasant breeze to carry away the... Never mind.
Still on my porch. My Lovely Wife is still at the mall. Getting a little cramped in this position. Better move around a little.
I wish I had the remote. I can see my tv. I wish that app I downloaded to use my phone as a remote had worked. But it didn't. So there's that. Or not, I suppose.
The cats are looking at me funny. As though to say "just claw at the door and cry until someone lets you in dummy." I hate my cats sometimes. So smug. With their eyes and fur and scratchy tongues and their insidedness.
No word from friends having baby, but I'm keeping everyone in the loop with this post. Who's the bigger jerk?
Yay! Robyn's home! Hope she lets me in... And good luck to my imminently expecting friends. ;-)

Edit: 10:31 PM - Welcome to Baby Colquhoun!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012


Hi everyone.

I know, I know, you're as surprised as I am that I'm still alive, right?  Stupid real world with its stupid real day job that brings in steady paychecks... Someday, I'm going to punch it in the face.  But not today for two reasons:

  1. We did not win the lottery last night.
  2. I would like to continue receiving paychecks, and I don't have it in me to pull a Fight Club.
So, how are you?  Everything going all right?  What have you been up to?  Really?  Twice?  I admit I'm shocked, I didn't know you had it in you...  Well, congratulations and I hope it doesn't get infected.

A few months ago, I received an email from out of the blue (blue being the colour scheme of my GMail account) from a nice lady who wanted to know if I would be willing to sing a release that would allow a nice man to use my snowblower ad in a book.  Being the unabashed popularity whore, I immediately said yes cautious sort of person that I am, I only agreed after I knew how it was going to be used.  And also only if I could get a copy of the book so I could show my mom that I'm in a book and it's a real book by a real person and I didn't have to pay to be in it and also that people like me.  Still working on that last part.

The book arrived this week!  And it's real!  And I'm in it!  And it's TWO books in one!  

"The Book of Business Awesome" and "The Book of Business UnAwesome" by UnMarketing guru Scott Stratten, is a darned good read.  It's one of those rare books that tricks you into learning something while being entertained. It won't take you long to understand why I like his style either - there's a particularly good section on RoboCop.  

The first book is all about the little and big things that businesses can and should do to stand out from the crowd. There are lots of examples of how potentially bad situations are turned around and made into amazing opportunities. And, without giving away any spoilers, Chapter 38 is a masterpiece.

Flip the book over and read all about the big and little things that business shouldn't do or risk standing out from the crowd...for the wrong reasons.  While I enjoyed the first book, there is something delightfully horrible about this section. It's like watching a really obnoxious drunk at a wedding reception falling over, in slow motion, into a pile of dog poo.  Can you call it schadenfreude if you aren't personally involved?  

Either way, both sides are educational and easy to digest.  Scott Stratten is a big name in the world of marketing (and he's Canadian to boot!), so check it out.  If you're not in the mood for shelling out cash for the book or going to your local library for a copy, check out his website or his twitter.  He's a funny guy and he works hard for the money (so you better treat him right).

In more personal news, I have started a job that will have some demands on my time but will not swallow my soul.  That is a pretty big deal.  I'm enjoying work for the first time in a while; it's amazing how much having an opportunity to do little side projects makes me such a gruntled worker.  I like being gruntled.  It gives me satisfaction.

Here's to hoping for a nice, long, new string of creativity!  If' I've ignored you for a while, please know that it wasn't your fault.  Although, if you had been paying me lots of money I wouldn't have had to keep my day job.  So, in a way, it kind of is your fault.  Collectively, not individually.  Unless you are an individual that could have been giving me loads of cash, in which case we should totally hang out because I think you are the bees knees and I'd love to have a chance to get to know you better...