Sunday, February 27, 2011

Ping-Pong Playa

I am the Ping-Pong Playa.  I say that because I can't think of what would go with Table Tennis. Table Tennis Teammate doesn't work, cause it's only me.  Trainer?  Ah well, someone already thought of Playa, and if it's good enough for a terrible movie, it's good enough for my terrible skills.

I've been playing Sports Champions on the PS3, and I kind of got just a little addicted to the Table Tennis.  When I first tried it after Christmas, I hated it.  It was unplayable.  It was stupid.  It was all the things that Beeej would say it was back in the day (Beeej is a friend that had some...interesting ways of dealing with games that he had trouble with)..  I don't know what made me try it again.  Maybe it was because a few weeks earlier Scott had shown it was possible to not just play it, but even beat the first championship.

I put it in, played it, and quickly turned it off.  No wait, did I say quickly?  What I meant to say was "two hours later".  The next morning, I paid for it.  Holy moly, did I pay for it.  My muscles decided to show me exactly how badly I'd abused my body the night before.  Or, more accurately, how badly I'd abused my body for the last, say, decade.

Okay, two decades.

But the next day, I was back at it - with some stretches thrown in for good measure (For everyone in the office:  Clap! Clap!).  And you know what?  It was pretty awesome.  I've played it every day now for at least an hour, sometimes even before going to work.  I played it so much, that I've had to recharge the controller twice now.  Can you believe that I'm doing something physical BY CHOICE in the morning?  I'm not ashamed to admit that one of the reasons why I quit the school basketball team back in Grade 8 was because of the requirement to wake up really early to be at the gym and exercise in the morning.  I just didn't want any part of that scene - sleep was way more important to me.  (The other reason was, as you may have already guessed, I was really quite embarrassingly bad.)

I have no doubts that my skills at playing Ping-Pong on the PS3 will somehow magically transfer themselves into some awesome real life applications.  Like a whole "Wax on, wax off" thing, I'm sure I'll be unbeatable if I get attacked by someone with maybe a mace.  Also, they'll either have to be a child or in a wheelchair (or both, I'm not prejudiced) in order to ensure that their reach is the same height as I'm used to playing at.  And the mace must be made of Nerf.

The reason I'm writing about this is because I'd recently had some health issues.  Yay, I'm old!  Now, I'm not about to go all crazy and start documenting my bowel movements here, but I something was not quite right in the world.  That prompted me to get some tests done and low and behold, I've got high cholesterol.  That was not really surprising.  I knew I had high cholesterol last year.  And the year before that.  My doctor gave me information on improving my diet and how exercise is important to controlling cholesterol.  He said that if it didn't work, then he'd have to put me on medication.

Turns out that diet and exercise don't work if you don't.  So I've got pills now for that. 

But that wasn't all!  I also had REALLY low vitamin D - like, almost half of the minimum amount needed to be practically healthy.  As it turns out, spending my life in basements watching movies and playing video games may have contributed somewhat to my lacking this essential vitamin that comes from the sun.  Curse you sun, and your life giving vitamins.  So I've got a pill for that now too.

Which brings me back to Ping-Pong.  I'm trying to move a little more and sit on my butt a little less.  Sure, it's not great exercise, but I have to believe that moving around for an hour or two is better than leaning back and stuffing Cheetos in my maw.  (Please note that was MAW, with a W at the end.)  Perhaps it won't make me healthier, but it just might slow down my degeneration, right?  Right? 

Okay, I admit that I'm just looking forward to being able to say something to the effect of "Video games saved my life!"

Also, I lied earlier.  I had a really good poop yesterday.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Cleaning House

My lovely wife has decided that the time has come for her to have the craft room that she so desperately wants.  It's not like the craft room was denied to her, it's just that the craft room also happened to be The Room Where Things Go Away To.  So she spent the weekend cleaning it out.

And cleaning it out.

And cleaning it out.

The upside is that the room is much emptier now than it has been in a very long time.  It's -almost- to the point where the table can be set up and crafting can begin in earnest.

The downside is that we have a lot of stuff that is sitting in our living room right now because the diabetic society didn't come to pick it up today as scheduled.  Probably due to the insane cold, but the living room is a bit of a state right now.

I've taken some pictures but the cable is all the way upstairs, and I'm now downstairs, and meh.  I'll get to it later.

My favorite exchange of the weekend:

"Honey, I'm sorry that I'm just puttering.  I'm not much fun." 
"Um, that's fine.  I'm good."
"You sure?"
* "Yep, I'm good."  
*Sad substitute for PS3 sound effects.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Reflections on My First Stand Up Comedy Experience

Or "How to Forget a Lot of Jokes That You Spent a Lot of Time Writing and Practicing"

First, I'd like to point out that although the topic of this post happened earlier in the week, I could not blog about it due to the absence of an Internet connection.  Our modem died and Aliant had to come give us a new one last night.  So that's better now.

Second, I'd like to point out that this post is technically not late, since I am writing it before my deadline of Sunday morning.  So there.

My first experience doing stand up comedy was a good one - or as good as you could hope for in a first time (it was awkward, hurt a little, but in the end I was happy though still a little confused about the experience).  I have to give a big thanks to everyone that came out to see me.  Not only did I have the largest audience there, I had also cleverly placed them in two different sections to give the illusion that I am incredibly funny and popular.  In this fashion, I was much like the glorious monarch butterfly flaring my eye spots to word off predators.  Also, like the life cycle of the monarch butterfly, my act was short and felt like it was going nowhere as it floated on the currents of laughter and stalled in baffling silences.

I think I may be a better writer than performer.  Which may not be saying much in any case.

Truthfully,  I had a great time.  I was the last act of the twelve acts, and despite all my bought and paid for fancy theatre schoolin', I was a bundle of nerves.  But I got up and did it and I have no regrets.  Except, as mentioned earlier, forgetting most of my act.  I have no idea how long I was on stage, but it was some time between 30 seconds and infinity.  That's right, I might still be up there and the last four days has been a weird Jacob's Ladder effect.

You have to give me some respect for pulling a Jacob's Ladder reference out like that after twenty years.

Although I didn't win that night, all the comedians that did were deserving of the awards (which I believe were tickets to other comedy shows and a hubcap).  There are some very funny people in the Maritimes.  As for the acts that didn't win... I'm not saying anything bad about anyone.  Yes, there were acts that were...not as funny as other acts... but that includes my own, so there you go.  And allow me to say, of all the performing that I've done in my life, this was by far the most hair raising experience, so a tip of my metaphorical hat to all the performers that were brave enough to get up there.  Whether the courage was your own or from a beverage, you did it and you can brag about that for years to come.  Or hide the shame.  I'm not pointing any fingers, but shame hiding may be a viable option.

Will I do it again?  Absolutely.  It turns out that another bar started a stand-up night on the weekends here, so I may polish - and practice - my act a little more and give it another try there.  Or I may just wait until next year's festival.  Depends on how funny I decide to believe I am.

But my stand up experience isn't even the biggest news this week.  That honor goes out to my mother, who on her birthday has moved further into the future by getting a new television (in the bedroom no less!) AND a laptop!  I don't have either of these things!  I want them.  It feels like the time that my parents saw Forrest Gump before I had; and in a theatre no less!  It's wrong somehow, but I'm proud of her.

Happy birthday Mom!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Getting a little bit worked up...

The big show is tomorrow night, and you could say that I'm a little bit excited. 

Big thanks for the support everyone!  If I haven't heard words of support from you yet, I'll just take that to mean that you are so excited about this that you've completely lost all ability to communicate.  It happens, I know.

Again, tomorrow night at 7 at the Pump House!

Word of warning: I have been given some very sound advice as to what to do should I bomb.  I would not recommend sitting in the first three rows.  Maybe make that four rows.

Sunday, February 6, 2011


I tied for first place in the CBC Information Morning Open Mic Contest.

My first foray into comedy is going well so far.  Once I find the Jade Monkey, my plans shall be complete.

For anyone who is interested, come on down to the Pump House on Tuesday at 7 PM to witness my shining ascendancy into comedic glory, or be witness to the slow motion train wreck that could be the longest 5-7 minutes of my life.

Regardless, there's other stuff going on that's way more important than this.

Still, come and see me. :)