Sunday, December 11, 2011

In Which I Substitute Email for A Real Post

Just realized that because I'm going to be at Jay and Silent Bob Get Old on Monday night, I might not have time to come up with a post for Tuesday.  And I'd just feel awful if I didn't have something for you to look at.  Cause that's the kind of person that I am.  Apparently.  Now.

On with the email bag!
You are hilarious!!! If I wasn't recently married, I'd be down on one knee askin you. Girls can ask, too
And if I wasn't also married (which I am, very happily), and I had had time to get to know you (but sadly, the only time machine I have at my disposal only allows for travel forward in time at the rate of 1 second per second), and you were better than all my other prospects (which seems unlikely, given that you are a newlywed who has taken to proposing to strange men on the Internet), I would TOTALLY consider it.
Your snowblower rant.
Ohmygod.
Marry me?
AHAHA. 
If I had known that a short treatise expounding on the virtues of my snowblower would make it this easy, I would have been writing this stuff up a loooooong time ago.
I hope you lose your virginity before you turn 50 
Holy crap!  I used to say this to the mirror all the time when I was a teenager!

I'm not really sure what the deal is with the 50 year old cut off.  Is there something that happens to people that don't lose their virginity before turning 50?  Or maybe the person who sent this to me originally write "die", then had second thoughts and replaced it with "turn 50".  I wonder how many other ages they considered...

Now nithat I've considered it, if you think about it, this actually is a kind of a nice thing to say to someone. It would be like me meeting someone in the street and saying "Hey, I really hope that you have a donair before you turn 50!"  Because donairs are delicious and everyone should experience them, that's why.  And if you experience them before you turn 50, then with modern medicine you could possibly expect to get another 50 years of donairs in before you die.

This was an awfully long rebuttal to a ten-word email with no punctuation.
I am not a person in need of a snow blower. But were I some sort of literary agent or publisher I'd want to see what else you've written. I'm not that person either.
 I can't tell you how much this made me laugh.  Seriously, I had tears.  So well written.  Sadly, this email was one that slipped by me earlier, so I only just sent them a response, but I -hope- whoever this was gets back to me.
I would hand ya 900 bucks just to be able to read the ad alone !!! 
This was another email I only just got to.  Surprisingly, I haven't received my 900 bucks for just reading the ad, but I'm hopeful.  I'm on PayPal!


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