I wonder if I have a fear of crowds.

Now, those of you that know me, and since those of you that know me are the only people that are reading this right now I am going out on a limb here and say that's all of you, will probably say "That's stupid." After all, I was a theatre major right? And I do enjoy a good party. And I have a tendency to want to be the center of attention, so how can I possibly be afraid of crowds?

Okay, maybe afraid is a strong word.

I started making a list of things that I don't really like just to see what they all have in common (if anything). Here's part of the list:

  • Concerts
  • Beaches
  • Large cities
  • Malls

All of these things have something in common. They are all places that typically have lots of people.

Oh, I don't like taking the bus or other forms of public transportation. Those are also places where you get a lot of crowds sometimes.

I do get along fine on airplanes. But maybe that's because I can hunker down in my seat, watch the in-flight entertainment or play video games, and concentrate on the greater fear of the crater that we'll form when the engines fail. Plus, with the way they cram everyone into the plane we all have our own little territory that surrounds our seat. It's not like a bus where you have no idea how many people may end up standing next to you.

What about the fact that I spend so much of my time trying to be the center of attention? Just try to make me sit quietly at a party. Can't be done.

Isn't it true that I would love nothing more than to be standing in front of a huge audience, entertaining the hell out of them?

And don't I spend a lot of time surfing the web? Playing online games? That's like the largest crowd of all, isn't it?

But you see, what those things all have in common is that I'm not in the crowd. I'm outside of the crowd! The crowd is watching me, you see the difference? I'm not part of the crowd.

Maybe I've identified some complex aspect of my psyche that will improve my life!

On the other hand, those things all have something else in common too… they are all expensive places. So maybe I'm just cheap. (And yes, I don't care what you say, the beach is expensive.)