Wednesday, January 29, 2014

My Loss Is Your Gain Part 2: The Return Of Jafar

No, Jafar is not returning.  That's a decades long inside joke.

Ahem.

Here we go.

There is something to be said about there being nothing new under the sun. For example, were you aware that there is a plan in works right now to make a new "Murder, She Wrote"?

This is a terrible idea.

I'm against this idea because "Murder, She Wrote" was a terrible series. I know that 10 year old me wasn't exactly the target demographic they were shooting for, but I still managed to catch a few episodes with my mother. I assume she had popcorn, because I can't really imagine why I would have sat through this show without some kind of reward mechanism.

"Murder, She Wrote" was on television for twelve years. It spawned a number of made for TV movies. It won Golden Globes and Emmy's. It was a veritable ratings bonanza (which is an amusing sentence because Bonanza!) that entertained millions of people every week. And I admit that if you only ever watched one episode of it, it could be pretty interesting.

But think about this: someone was killed in every episode. Sometimes it was someone that she knew, sometimes it was someone that she just met, sometimes it was just someone that someone she knew just met. She gets involved and starts asking questions to get to the bottom of the murder (because the police are also incompetent everywhere she goes). Occasionally, someone else gets murdered, upping the stakes for her to solve the case before anyone else gets hurt.

Every. Single. Time.

And what do all of these murders have in common?

Angela Lansbury was in the area. Sometimes it was in the town she lived in. Sometimes it was at a wedding, or a conference, or she was on vacation. But everywhere she went, somebody gonna die. Think about that. The woman was the angel of death. How many people died in Murder, She Wrote? Let's say that only one person died per episode. There were TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY FOUR episodes and FOUR made for TV movies. Do the math.

I'm not a genius, but there had to come a point where the following conversation took place:
"Wow honey, what an amazing wedding! I can't believe that our childhood friends, who are also our neighbours and business partners, finally got married! What table are we seated at? Is that who I think it is? Get the kids, don't look back. Run. RUN!"

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