Thursday, July 9, 2009

My wife wants a scooter...

Here's my Kijiji ad. I think it's amusing. :)

I've already started to receive emails on it, and will start posting them as updates over the next couple of days.

For those of you that don't want to go to Kijiji.ca to see it, here's the text.

Address: Moncton, NB
Date Listed: 09-Jul-09

My wife really wants a scooter.

Every time one drives by, her eyes light up like a kid when the Dickie-Dee comes down the street. I thought I could distract her by getting her a little push scooter thing, but that just made her want a motorized one even more.

Here is a sample of the things she's said over the last five years:

"Oh, there's that cute one!"
"There's the one with flowers on it!"
"I saw that scooter parked at work today..."
"I really want a scooter."

The woman is determined.

I, on the other hand, believe that scooters are simply miniature versions of Road Machines of Death and Dismemberment (aka motorcycles). They may be smaller, but you only have to get crushed and ground into the pavement once, right?

I would also prefer to spend our hard earned money on something that won't kill her immediately. Something like a big screen TV, a bear trap, or a game of lawn darts.

I'm not saying that I believe that my wife will immediately crash and burn in a horrible accident. I'm just suggesting that said tragedy could be prevented by, you know, not being on a scooter.

So, I throw this out to you Kijiji and the Internet. If you are a serious scooter-head (I don't know what you call people that love scooters), AND believe that everyone who really wants a scooter should have one, AND you have a scooter that is in good running condition that you're willing to give away, AND you can accept the fact that I will probably hold you morally responsible for my wife's subsequent happiness/horrible injuries/shuffling off this mortal coil, then I'd like to hear from you.

No junked scooters - if it will require money to get running, no thanks. I'll probably be willing to spring for, say, changing the oil. I'm not willing to pay for a new superinfluxuidator valve or flex capacitor. Cosmetic stuff is okay. If it just needs some paint or it's got a dent (although anything that dents a scooter is probably liable to just take it clean out in my opinion), we can deal with that.

Don't worry about safety gear. If you have some that will fit my wife that is in good condition, great, but believe me when I say that if this becomes reality and someone does show up with a free scooter in running condition, there's no way she's getting on it until she's got a helmet, body armor, bubble wrap and (if possible) an emergency crew/police escort. All the money that will be saved in not paying for a scooter will be funnelled into ensuring that my lovely wife will remain in the same condition she was in before she got on the thing.

That's about it.


--UPDATE--

As of 7:00 AM this morning, my ad has had 230 hits!

I've only received a handful of emails, I'll put them up tonight when I get back from work. Probably.

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