Monday, June 28, 2010

Complete and utter failure and also I didn't win the lottery

I don't know what happened.

My math was impeccable.  Everything was pointing toward a huge lottery win for yours truly, when suddenly I didn't.

Hard to believe, really.

Instead, someone from Newfoundland and I think Saskatchewan won.  Makes sense if you think about it.  Newfoundland's pretty much in the middle of the ocean, which means anything on top of it will get struck by lightning.  And Saskatchewan... well, I can't imagine how anyone in Saskatchewan could get hit.  I guess every highly detailed and well thought out equation has some measure for error.

In other news, happy birthday to my big brother.  For years, I lived in this man's shadow. But then he moved out of the house and stopped standing right there, and it got better.  He refuses to hunch over more, so he's still taller than I am, which means he could still cast a shadow over me.  Only I'm much more wily now.

Big happy birthday to you Dickson.  You've got a great little family going on there.  Your girls are delightful and fun and since it's your birthday I won't even make the obligatory "no way they're yours" joke.  Instead, you got a Walmart gift card.

The inscription that I put on the card was "Walmart gift cards, when only the very best is too expensive."  Here are some other options I thought of after the fact:
  • Walmart gift cards: when you want to show you care, but not enough to buy a real present.
  • Walmart gift cards: just as good as cash, but not.
  • Walmart gift cards: what better way to show someone you love like think about know they exist.
  • Walmart gift cards: when you don't know someone enough to get them a gift card for a store you know that they like, get them one for a store you know they'll end up in.
  • Walmart gift cards: it's like getting cash that can only be used in one place until it expires.
  • Walmart gift cards: because unlike real money, you'll keep forgetting this in a drawer when you go to the store.
  • Walmart gift cards: just like Canadian Tire money, only you didn't earn it.
Happy Birthday Dickson!

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