Friday, December 2, 2011

In Which I Receive Email

For some reason, my inbox has exploded recently.  I've decided it would be nice to share some of the creativity that was intended for me with the rest of the world. Yes, I do realize that this is a very cheap way of getting another blog post.  My motto is "The thing about cheap points is that they still count.
i will trade you, One, unopened bottle, of, flax seed oil to put on a honda.
I still don't know how to respond to this.  I have a lot of questions, but I'm terrified that I'll get answers.

I'm from Toronto, and I haven't been to NB in 2 years. Last time I went to Angies on a tuesday. Next time, we're going to Angies on a tuesday and I'm buying you a beer or 4 for this awesome ad.

Cheers! 
For those of you not familiar with the Moncton area, Angies is one of our local adult entertainment businesses.  Apparently, if you go there, women take off their clothes at you.  I went there once.  It was not like the clubs in movies, and it was a Friday.  I do not think I care to imagine Tuesday.

I would hand ya 900 bucks just to be able to read the ad alone !!!
I tried to convince this person to send it to my paypal, but I never heard back from them.

Do u deliver?
You didn't read the ad, did you?

Kinda sounds like something Steve my old manager would write
Your old manager Steve sounds like a scholar and a gentleman.  You should be proud of that fact that you were once under his tutelage, that he would even take the time to acknowledge your presence is testament to his prowess as both a manager and a man.  Manager Steve, I salute you. You are no Greg from Australia.

WOW What a MESSAGE!!!
simple specs would of worked, year make model, dementions etc, LMFAO hahahahahah
but cool msg
IM gonna tell you something that your gonna do is sell me this snow blower for 100$, not because you can but because you want to!
that 29inch glorious cut is to big for you to handle and your SCARED of THIS WILD MACHINE! You want to get rid of it becuase it scares the living bajesus out of you, AND you wont it gone right now, your SCARED i know you are, you want to get ride of this today, your begging for me to come pick this terrafying machine up for the sum of 100$,That six speed...... 90mph dragger u call a snow blower is to fast for you, and your scared and you cant tame the power with in it, The snow blower is scared of you just as much as you are to him, you two keep fighting and want to part your ways today, Your going to Give this snow blower what HE WANTS, A New Home
Your gonna call your buddy! and your gonna tell him you cant take it anymore and your selling this snow blower for 100$ and to get over to your place with his truck to help you out to deliver it to my place!, there is no questions to be asked, you want this terrafying snowblower gone right NOW!! 100$ is ALL YOURS! Vary simple and stress free, You WILL MAKE 100$ for the snow blower AND Im gonna get a this SNOW BLOWER, this is no joke,
This is how much you want to see this snow blower GONE and To see it at a new home for a new owner to try and tame the wildly fearce you call power it has.SO dont delay im here today!
THIS SNOW BLOWER IS MINE AND NO BODY ELSES
100$
you will contact me via email to make arrangments for THE EXCHANGE

have a nice day 
This was so large, it came in across three emails.  I applaud your imagination, and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  I suggest work hard, try to pay attention in class and keep practising your writing.  Someday, you'll be able to write a whole sentence using proper punctuation, grammar and maybe even spelling.  You can do it!

Hey,
Just wanted to tell you that you made 6 firefighters cry in laughter from this ad.. Hope it's sold
It takes a lot of guts, determination and will power to be a firefighter.  I should know: I wanted to be one when I grew up.  Any group of firefighters strong enough to cry with each other would be an unstoppable force.  Let us all give thanks that they have decided to use their powers for good.

 I am in no way interested in buying this magnificent machine... But I do want to mention that its description was hilarious. In fact, I just came home from seeing a movie, and the 2 minutes it took me to read this was more entertaining and more deserving of my 11 dollars. I hope someone buys your snowblower.
I just did some math. Assuming the average movie is 90 minutes long, and my ad could be read 45 times at 2 minutes per read, then this person owes me $495. No word yet on what the movie they saw.


Hmm, at the rate of 8 emails per blog, I may run out of material sometime next year... 

In other news, I'm discussing some writing jobs with a couple of people that seem quite serious about it, and I have a really good feeling about this. Experience is experience, right? And hopefully, money is money... 

I also got some news at work yesterday - I'll be starting a new position in the new year. It's a job that I've sort of been training for/filling in for a little for a while, and while it doesn't mean a pay raise, it is fairly high profile in the company. Which is a good thing for when everyone discovers that I don't know how to write and am just pasting stuff I find on wikipedia.

Speaking of wikipedia, will someone rich please just give them a bunch of money so I can stop looking at pictures of Jimmy Wales? He's starting to creep me out in a deep and personal way.

Finally, in response to an anonymous post on the blog - I do so hate to disappoint my fans - I present to you what it looks like when I get up at 5:30 AM to work on this stuff. This is Mordecai.


Oh crap, does this mean I'm turning into another catblog?

5 comments:

  1. *wonders is he is "Manager Steve"*

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  2. Good thing buddy in the second post will only buy you 4 beers, cuz at 5, the dancers put their canes and walkers away and then thay are all over the place, swinging and sagging and spitting their dentures in to my beer when I'm looking for the exit closest to where I parked...

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  3. @Jason - for the love of all that's right and good in the world, why would you ever know that?! LOL

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  4. Love the Anchorman reference, even if it was done unintentionally.

    Also, agree about Wikipedia. Perhaps they should hire you to write a plea for money? I bet they would make at least $1.97 in donations.

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  5. @Holly - Anchorman is a guilty pleasure. JAZZ FLUTE!

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