At the closing of the holiday season and all the group meals that come with it, I have decided to put together my list of guests that I would invite to create The Most Fascinating Dinner Party. Not that the meals that I attended were anything less than incredible.
In no particular order:
- "Weird Al" Yankovic - those of you that know me will find this no surprise. He has amused me for close to three decades (oh, crap, that makes both of us old) and it would give me a chance to ask him to record a series of holiday wishes to me (to go with the recording I have of him wishing me a happy birthday).
- Melissa McCarthy - She makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.
- Kevin Smith - Because I think he would get a kick out of everyone on this list.
The Political Commentators
- Tina Fey - I've put her in this group instead of with The Entertainers so she doesn't feel like she HAS to perform, but I expect her to take part in the discussion.
- Bill Maher - He's like a thinking man's Jon Stewart.
- Jon Stewart - He's like a thinking man's Bill Maher.
- Sir Laurence Olivier - As a reanimated corpse, I'd like to ask him about his feelings on the tremendous popularity of zombie related entertainment, and whether he would be open to raising the bar for zombie portrayal on film.
- William Faulkner - I want to give him a piece of my mind regarding his all too infrequent use of periods. I don't care that he is a literary treasure, the me that had to read his books back in university kinda needs to punch him in his dead face.
- Robert Heinlein - I've read just about everything the man has ever written. I think he would disapprove heartily of just about everyone at this party and that in itself would be interesting to witness. Also, I can't help but feel that though he undoubtedly respects the work of Mr. Faulkner, he would probably back me up on the whole punching thing.
The People I Know
- My Lovely Wife - No way I could pull off an interesting party without her. Besides, I'd spend the whole time wondering what she was doing that was more exciting than this dinner party. And I need someone there that I know that I can keep leaning over to and say things like: "Can you believe this?" and "This is just crazy amazing, isn't it?" and "I hope that there are enough vegan options for everyone."
- Alec Bruce - he bought my snow blower, and we keep having to cancel on each other for coffee. It would be a good excuse to get together and I'd finally be able to give him the power cable for the snow blower that he forgot.
- My Friend's Kids - Because how hilarious would it be to have all these people in one place, but everyone trying to be polite and not swear or say anything controversial while the kids are there. Then, when the younguns finally leave, everyone will just cut loose and the party will be that much better for it.
- My Best Friends - You know who you are. (See how I did that?)
- The entire cast and crew of Firefly - Yes, I know, this is a cheat. Not EVERYBODY that worked on the show could be that awesome. But I really want a reunion to happen, and it would be awkward if someone didn't get invited, you know? Like not getting an invitation to your own high school reunion, even though you still live at home. Plus a friend of mine served Nathan Fillion pie when she worked at a pie shop, and he apparently isn't a giant douche.
The Ones That Almost Made the List
- John Lennon - for similar reasons to Sir Laurence, but also because I'd like to see what would happen between him and Weird Al. I think they'd get along. I have no knowledge of what John Lennon was like, but I think he had a bit of a sense of humour. I mean, that hair cut? Those glasses? I think they were a giant prank he was pulling on art school students for generations to come.
- Nicole Kidman (pre-2001) - You know, from before she started looking like she was chiseled from a block of ice.
- Warren Buffet - I'd really like some advice on how I should best invest the gift cards I received for Christmas.
Looking back at my list, I'm noticing a few things.
- Although this list seems to be skewed slightly toward becoming a sausage fest, I assume that all participants would be bringing a significant other or guest. With the exception of the reanimated dead.
- The categories are fairly arbitrary, but upon reflection everyone on this list is an artist or an entertainer. Not a philosopher or a scientist or world leader in the mix. I wonder what that says about me. Probably that I can't spell Boutros Boutros-Gahli without looking it up.
- There is no way that all of these people will fit into my house, let alone kitchen. Especially if everyone from Firefly shows up. I suspect that they know how to eat.
Who would be on your list? If you invite me, I promise I won't get trashed and break stuff. Don't get me wrong, I'll still break stuff. I just won't be trashed when I do it. Which somehow makes it all the sadder.