Call it narcissism (you might as well, someone else already has), but I kind of like it when I show up in ads. Like this new one for a Magic Door Knob that Patrick posted in my comments section.
Patrick, I salute you and your efforts - this really is some fine work.
FREE Vancouver Island BC Home of Dreams, cottage and 5 acreswith the purchase of this Magic Golden Door Knob - $525,000
Weh-Ming Cho recently stirred up a flurry selling his east coast snow blowing menace. I have a west coast reply to his ad and a better idea - buy this magic golden doorknob and ditch your stinking, noisy snowblower relationship for one with this property. This doorknob faithfully, keeps several months of snotty slush and eye-lash seizing cold at bay. Divorce your snowblower, save the snow and ice for the polar bears and ride your Tauntaun west to Errington lotus land while there’s still space. This doorknob will open a portal to paradise - kick back and enjoy your beer on your green lawn in your shirt sleeves with the barbecue on. Take a deep breath and inhale in the pure air devoid of snowblower fumes, but scented with flowers and enjoy the marked absence of snowblowing racket. Review your heating bills and flaunt them to your ex-snowblower. The true path to ecstasy heads west. Lounge on the beach or enjoy the vibrant forest of giant mossy trees and amazing waterfalls. Nature’s at your door step and city amenities are within easy reach, including a university, huge library system, sports complexes, airport and a space-time portal.
This paradise home is 2700 sqft, with two levels, cloud 8 and 9. There are three bedrooms with walk-in closets so big, you might land in Narnia if you crawl under the coat rack. Then there is an office so you can email photos of you sunbathing on Christmas day. There is an upstairs sitting room so you can watch the eastern snowstorms on TV, or listen to the radio report while soaking in one of the two tubs. There is a spacious cathedral ceiling living room so that you can put on a cozy fire and pretend its snowing outside. Invite your relatives from the Hoth ice planet to stay in the cute 720 sqft cottage (log post and beam inside, pottery sink, claw foot tub) or rent it.
In the Garden of Eden, the trees grow like fur so you can’t see your neighbours and they’re all nice so you wouldn’t want to murder them even if they did have a snowblower. When you touch the door knob, you enter a time warp and arrive at a community where neighbours still look out for each other - in fact there is a “Hi Neighbour Day” and quirky parade. At the Christmas concert you can watch 16mm films like “The Snowman” accompanied by the local choir.
Flip your phone to Moncton weather and gloat over the snowblowing craziness. Don’t marry your snowblower and let it pull you around - I hear they bite if you try to kiss them. Show who’s boss and buy this door knob (magic limited to its existing location.) BUY IT and never whine about winter again! Don’t be a snowblowing knob. Save the snow before it goes extinct! Go ahead ...turn the knob and enter nirvana.
P.S. Do you really want snow? Head to the mountain where 16 meters of snow smothers small chalets. Spend your time playing in it, not blowing it around.It's what I imagine it feels like to have someone pay homage to me. I have never been paid homage, I prefer cash, but I've heard homage is good too.
I decided I wanted to talk to the author of said ad, so I called the number listed on it. This is not something I often do, because I don't like talking on the phone very much (that wasn't always the case, but then I worked in the call centre industry for ten years and burned out that part of my brain that likes to talk to disembodied voices). However, I really liked what he wrote and if there's one thing that I've discovered, it's that I like hearing from people that they like what I write. I have therefore made it a point to let people know when I enjoy reading their stuff.
I talked to two wonderful and confused ladies about the ad. They had not seen it or heard of me (which saddened me twice), and one of them seemed intent that I was asking them to take the ad down (despite my repeated protestations that I was totally fine with it). They eventually came up with the theory that the author is probably the son of the sellers of said property. I sent them an email with my contact info, in the hopes they would pass along my email to the author.
But I need't have feared (when was the last time you saw someone use the word need't?). Patrick got in touch with me directly through my message to him through Kijiji. The house is truly for sale, and belongs to his in-laws who are looking to sell it to move closer to them. Patrick wrote a more normal style ad, but then opted for something a little more interesting. I'm glad he did.
I asked him if he would mind telling me a little about himself so that I may blog about it today.
I am a self-employed, under-employed biologist currently and I mostly do contracts for non-profit environmental societies. Right now I'm fundraising for marine conservation projects. I also run my eco tour company www.coastalrevelations.com and work on environmental education projects. I try to find ethical work that makes some difference in the world and that I like. So...if I get exciting job offers out of this ad, that is an added bonus!When I asked about the confusion at the office, he confirmed that he did send them the ad to let them know about it, but it may have been overlooked in their email. Hopefully, the nice people at the real estate office are aware of it now!
Best of luck to you, sir!
In other news, our house is only slightly larger than a "cute" cottage. In fact, judging by the pictures on this ad you could fit most of our house into their bathroom. I wouldn't recommend it though. The cats do not like traveling very much.
That's it for now. I have to go shovel the walk from the door to the car - BUT NOTHING ELSE CAUSE I PAID SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR ME! HOOOOOORAH!