Monday, January 2, 2012

Wish I'd Written That...

EDIT: Thanks to very keen observer, I was advised that I had somehow misspelled Heather's last name pretty much everywhere I wrote it.  I can only say that I'm an idiot and I hope the REAL Heather MacInnis is doing well.



A friend of mine put up a Kijiji Ad in Fredericton to help promote a note that a friend of hers, Heather MacInnis, had written on Facebook.

You can see the ad here, but you should probably just head on over to Facebook to read it.

Heather suffers from cystic fibrosis, which is exactly as much fun as it sounds.  Her "Dear John" letter to her lungs is funny, well written, and inspiring.

For those of you that do not have Facebook accounts, although how you made it to my blog without having a Facebook account is a mystery to me, here is the text of her note.  All credit goes to Heather MacInnis, who is traveling to Toronto on January 3rd for a double lung transplant.

All my best Heather.


Letter to my Lungs


By Heather MacInnis

Hey there everyone. So as part of a project for school I've been keeping a make-shift journal of my experiences during the transplant process. Once I get a handle on blogging I will post a few of the things I've done. After finding out last night that I'm leaving for Toronto Tuesday I've been in a state of perpetual panic. In an effort to calm down I did a little writing. I ended up with a Dear John letter of sorts which is dedicated to my lungs (not Sean, I'm keeping him lol). I thought I would share to those who might be interested (I'm sure I'll miss people :) Happy Almost New Year Everyone!!
Oh! And we're having a little get together here at the hospital from 2-4pm on Sunday for people to stop in and say their cya laters :) xo

Dear Lungs,

        I'm not sure how to say this...but this relationship is over. We have always had our struggles, our ups and downs but lately you've brought me nothing but misery. Please don't think that I'm going to change my mind this time; that you'll perk up, change your attitude and I'll decide things aren't so bad and give you another chance to get better. You have run out of chances.

        I'm not saying that it's been all bad, we've had some good times together. Hitting the gym, the beach, dancing with our friends but I never know when you're going to ruin a good time. You're unpredictable and the way you make me feel in public is embarrassing. I am sick and tired of making excuses for you and telling everyone that we're okay when we're obviously not.

        I've held on more tightly than I should have these last couple of years. This has been a long time coming. What can I say? You're a part of me. You've been there through the ups and the downs but I think we both know that you've caused a great many of the downs. You have always been high maintenance; demanding my attention constantly, ruining vacations and holidays with your bad behaviour and stealing away time that could be spent with my loved ones. Your high maintenance upkeep has become overwhelming and unbearable. I have to spend half of my day waiting for you to be ready to leave the house. I'm always having to take time away from my friends to check in and make sure you're still doing okay and most nights I end up leaving early just to keep you happy. Working to keep you satisfied used to be outweighed by how good I felt the rest of the time we were together but we've reached that point in our relationship where it's all work and no play.

        I realize that being traded in for a newer model might be offensive but you've left me with no other choice. Your expensive tastes and excessive neediness is more than anyone would willingly tolerate. This relationship has become all about you and I've slowly been losing myself. I forget what it feels like to be light-hearted, care free and full of energy because you've drained me of all of that. You make me feel ugly, boring and slow and I'm too young to feel this way. You have caused so much pain and have never apologized once.

        I'm sure some people wonder why I've kept you around so long. I guess I felt bad for you because I know the way you are is not totally your fault and you've done your best. I've always felt responsible for you and scared of what losing you will feel like. Letting you go means stepping into the unknown which is terrifying and up until now I've decided to stay with the devil I know.  You've pushed me too far this time however and I am ready to leave you behind. Ready to try something new, ready to rediscover myself, ready to let go of the pain, panic and fear that comes with being one with you. I have fought for this relationship for so long, but now, on the eve of the New Year; I'm ready to say good-bye.

 I'd like to say it's not you it's me, but we both know that's not true. Breathing is no longer optional.

-Heather

2 comments:

  1. Very sweet of you to pass this on. Heather is an amazing woman. Just want to correct a very honest mistake though...her last name is MacInnis..not MacKinnon. Thank you for sharing her story.

    Bobbie Labrador
    aka...Heather's sister. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Hi Bobbie - Curses! How the hell did that... I mean, I planned it that way. Yeah, that's it! I planned it that way just so someone would write to me about it.

      Editing my post immediately. Please don't tell your sister. I'm so ashamed.

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