Windows Microsoft Support Calling

This story begins with the phone ringing.

I checked the caller ID and saw it was a New York area code.  There were three missed calls on the phone from earlier, all with unknown numbers.  The chances of someone calling us from New York are quite slim, but I answered it anyway.  It was ringing after all, and when I answer the phone when it isn't ringing My Lovely Wife gives me a look.

"Hello?"  It was a terrible connection, there was a huge amount of static.  "Hello?"  I said again.

"Hello, this is from Windows Microsoft Support..."

I immediately begin doing a little dance.  The caller has a very distinct accent.  Unfortunately, I can't place it other than to say it's an Asian accent, possibly Indian or Pakistani.

"Hi there!"  I can't contain my excitement.

"Yes, hello.  I am calling to let you know-"

"Does my computer have a virus?"  I jump in.  "Is it causing problems to the Internet?"

"Yes, sir, we need to make sure that-"

"Oh no!  I can't have problems with the Internet!"

"Yes, sir, so you have to-"

"Please, tell me, how do I give you control of my computer?!"

"Yes, this is very good.  You need to give me control so that I can-"

"How much will it cost me to get control of my computer back?"

"Well, that is the good news.  It is just $79.95 to-"

"That IS a GREAT DEAL!  I can't wait to pay it!"

"Yes sir-"

"But wait!  Do you accept credit cards?  Cheques?  Should I send you cash in the mail?"

"Fortunately, sir, we only accept credit cards-"

"Oh that is good news, good news indeed."


"Yes, I'm SO glad that you accept credit cards so I can pay you to get control of my own computer back from you!"

"So, sir... you are familiar with this?"

"Yes, I'm very familiar with this scam."

"Oh.  Are you in the same business?"

I can't help it, I laugh.

"No, I'm not in the same business, but I do know what you're doing.  I have to ask, how long have you been doing this?"

"How long I have done this?"

"Yes, I'm honestly really curious how long you've been at this."

"I have been doing this for two years."

"TWO YEARS?!  Wow!  Wow.  I can't believe that.  You've been doing this for two years.  I couldn't do that."

"Yes, I have been doing it for a long time."

"Have you caught anyone with this today?"

"You're the first today, sir."

I laugh again.

"So what are you doing now, sir?"

"We're just about to have something to eat."

"Oh, you have a family?"

"Yes, I have a family and we're about to have supper."

"Okay, sir, I will you go eat with your family.  Have a good day."

"You too!"