Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Seemingly Random Thought Process

I'm really trying to get back to the writing guys, I really am.

I started the year strong, and then it sort of tapered off. Then my real life work stepped up to the plate and said "Oh, did you want to play? I don't think so, back to the dungeon! You have a 2 o'clock whipping with burning poison ivy scheduled, and you wouldn't want to be late."

Thankfully, the job that pays the bills has become less of a hassle. Mentally, I'm still just coming back around to it though. It's funny how draining something like that can be.

The biggest challenge that I'm facing right now is that there are things that I REALLY want to write about that I can't for a variety of reasons. Don't get me wrong, if I was a journalist I wouldn't hesitate to publish it. And it's not like I'm exactly a closed book when it comes to my life - witness the poem I wrote for my sister's birthday.

But there are things that I won't write about because it affects people other than me. Like, for example, I'm not going to write about my friend who has been working as a contractor for a company for several years, always with a "maybe we'll be able to hire you full time next year" hanging over his head. I won't write that story because it could affect his livelihood, and if it affects his livelihood then it will certainly affect mine (i.e. when he hunts me down for affecting his livelihood). So I'll just say that if that situation were to theoretically happen to a good friend of mine, it would theoretically quite suck.

Also, it's not a very funny story. Theoretically.

Speaking of work stuff though: I had a couple of interesting moments in my job.

I was talking to a guy on the phone when in the middle of the conversation he asks me to say my name again.

Oh boy, this again.

I've been through this conversation about a thousand times and have written about it before. So I repeated my name.
Him: "What was your name again?"
Me: "Weh-Ming."
Him: "Weh-Ming? That sounds Asian."
Me: "Thank you?"
Him: "I'm just saying you don't sound like it."
Awkwardness ensued.
Why am I bringing this up? Because I have an incredibly racist theory. If I was to change the 'Ming' to a "deshon", would I get the same questions?
Him: "What was your name again?"
Me: "Wehdeshon."
Him: "Wehdeshon? That sounds..."
Me: "What? It sounds like what?"
I say it's an incredibly racist theory for two reasons: first, because I think it's true. And second, because I chose a name ending that sounds like the ending of a name that a certain group of people would choose to use. You know who I'm talking about. Those people.

Of course, I'm talking about people who are given made up names.

Out of curiousity, I did a google search of names that landed me on a site that tells you how popular a name is by year. Neither Deshon or DeShawn were in the top 1000 in the last hundred years. When presented with an option to graph the popularity of a name, OF COURSE I put in my name.

This is the response I received:
"Did you mean: whamming, whelming, whimming?"
Yes. Yes, those names are exactly what I meant.
"Mom, Dad. I want you to meet my fiance, Whelming. He's exactly average in every way shape and form."
And how about this great pick up? (Thanks to Scott for this!)
"Hey baby, how would you like to be over Whelming tonight?"
"Meh, I was under Whelming before."
"It's so true. Bitch."

The other interesting moment at work I had didn't involve me at all, but is a great political statement if ever I heard one. There I was, minding my own business, doing whatever it is that I do, and I start to overhear a conversation that is happening a few rows down from me.

I should mention that I work in a cubicle environment. A low-wall cubicle environment. In the evening, when most of the staff have left, sound carries. Not that this particular - completely unrelated to my job - group ever needs the environment to be silent for their conversations to be heard. I would say that I wasn't so much eaves-dropping as I was being eaves-carpet-bombed.

Now, for purposes that I shall call "legal", I shan't go into the details of the intense discussion that took place. I will simply say that there was some a task that needed to be completed on a particular day and none of the people that were trained on said task would be available to do it. It's a pretty common scenario in the world. Notice I said 'world' and not 'business world', because there comes a point in your life when you realize that stuff happens.

I won't bore you with the details of what was said by who. Suffice it to say that it was rather involved and went on far longer than I think it should have. I was chatting with a coworker through the magic of instant messaging about the ridiculousness of what I was hearing, when he wrote something that made me LOL. It was one of those rare instances when something that was said online actually translated into honest to goodness laughter in the real world, instead of just a slight increase of breathing out through the nose.

Immediately, upon hearing my laughter, the conversation stopped. It was at this point that I realized they did not know I was there. Despite the low walls and my total lack of stealth, they had somehow missed me sitting a few rows away. The argument that had taken more than twenty minutes of their lives away from them was resolved within minutes of my laughing.

Just like happens with politics sometimes, nothing gets done until somebody is paying attention.
Whoa, that got deep. What's that all about?

Here's a picture of a brain fart I found on Reddit.


There, that's better.

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