Like most people, I have thoughts.
I know that sounds obvious, but when was the last time that you thought about the fact that practically everyone around you is thinking about something?
Anyway.
At four in the morning, I had another one of my "hey, you know what would have been awesome? If you had maybe paid a little more attention to your personal hygiene and grooming in middle school and high school." That, of course, sent me on a downward spiral. Now all I can think of are the "wow, did you really say that to someone that time at that party?" and "maybe if you cleaned your dorm room a little more often it wouldn't have smelled quite so much like farts and Magic: The Gathering cards."
Nothing else to do about it but get up and tell you all about it.
Anxiety sucks.
When I was a kid, my mom gave me a string of plastic beads that she called my "worry beads". When I started getting anxious, I was supposed to get them out and, you know, just kind of feel them and meditate on what was good and all. I think I still have them. I'm pretty sure she gave them to me because I was driving them nuts with my pre-pubescent anxiety attacks on my place in the world. And also because it was what could be described as one ugly-ass necklace, so hey, two birds one stone, right?
I've since graduated to other modes of grounding myself, almost none of which include fashion accessories. It works for me, but I gotta catch it when it starts or I lose any chance at productivity or relaxation. Like this morning. If I'd just gotten up when it started, I might have been able to pull off another hour of sleep.
Sigh.
In case you're wondering, my room no longer smells like farts and Magic: The Gathering cards. I haven't played M:TG in years.
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