Monday, February 3, 2014

Rock of Ages... Was It Bad?

We watched Rock of Ages, a musical romp through 80's power ballads.

It was... good?  There were a lot of people in it.  Alec Baldwin probably shouldn't sing rock and roll.  I'd bet he'd kill something like Sinatra, but rock was probably not a good idea.  Catherine Zeta Jones was kind of the bad guy, but not really, because that's what Paul Giamatti was for (because that's what he's always for).  Russell Brand was faintly amusing.  And Tom Cruise is in it a lot.  A lot more than the previews had us believing he would be.

Also, there was a guy that looked like Matthew McConaughey's younger brother and a girl that looked almost like the cheerleader in Heroes that were apparently the main characters.

Everybody sings!  Rock songs from the 80's!  Sometimes the songs make sense for the situation, like you would expect in a rock-opera.  Other times, the songs seem to be sung because they bought the rights to the song and they needed a place to put it.  It's not perfect.

I probably won't remember a lot about this movie.  It's not great, but that's okay because we weren't expecting Oscar worthy performances.  What I will remember, no, what I will take to my grave, is the tongues.  Good lord, the tongues.  It's not that the kissing was bad... it was more like... how can I put this?  You know how there is a difference between Hollywood and Reality?  Like, how in Hollywood a young man can pursue a woman and get into all kinds of crazy hijinks until she finally realizes that she's in love with him too and they kiss just before the credits roll?  And in Reality, that same young man would get the living daylights beaten out of him by the young woman's boyfriend, gets a restraining order against him, and ends up in a court ordered therapy?  That's not really what the kissing is like in this movie.

In this movie, the kissing is kind of like the kissing that I'm not ashamed to say that I have enjoyed with My Lovely Wife in private.  In private being the key phrase there.  While I have always enjoyed an over the top, goofy, make you laugh type of kiss, I know that nobody wants to see and we definitely don't want anyone to see us.  I am also only assuming that My Lovely Wife enjoys it to the extent that she has not yet threatened my life when I come at her like Slimer from The Ghostbusters.

I hope the guy that made this doesn't take it down, because I like it.
This is not unlike a typical Saturday afternoon in our home.  
The plot for this movie is forgettable.  The actors in this movie received a paycheque.  At no time in the future will anyone discuss the impact this movie made to the cinematic arts.  I'm not saying that this movie deserved a Razzie - it was, quite frankly, more forgettable than most Razzie winners.

The only good thing that I can say about this movie is that one day, a year or so after you watched it, you'll overhear someone mention it in the hallway at work.  And you'll think about it, and the more you think about it, the more you'll remember about it.  This will culminate in you remembering that not only did you watch this movie, but shortly after you watched it you started writing a review of it. And then you'll find said review in the drafts folder and you'll touch it up and throw it on your website.  All in all, a good day.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.